Virtually Coffee Tuesday - In a reflective mood...

... for many reasons...

Nick and I went to the advent celtic service in the village church the other Sunday. It's always been my favourite service - candle-lit and laity-led. Before the stroke, I used to help lead services...

And on Sunday, I started reading this book

I hope to write more on my other blog following my responses to what I read, as I know I'm experiencing deep stirring changes, which I need more time to think about before I attempt to verbalize them...

But these words struck me from today's reading: 'God loves us as adult partners, with mutual give and take, and you eventually become the God that you love' (italics in original).

Needless to say, this provokes deep reactions in me as to what this could mean on so many levels - as a theology graduate, a former committed Anglican still angry with the church, as a soul seeking some understanding...

And I'm still pondering an item of news that has dominated UK papers - the apparent suicide  of Gary Speed, former footballer and national coach of Wales on Sunday - he was 42, married with two teenage sons, and had only been on the TV programme Football Focus on Saturday...

(photo copyright The Guardian)

I was listening to the radio, awaiting the commentary on a football match, on Sunday as the news broke... the shock and disbelief of the radio DJ and his guests were palpable...

What depths of despair the man must have been in...!! Apparently his wife found him hanged in their garage 7am Sunday morning... How could he have disguised his torment so well from colleagues and the public as he appeared on TV only hours before...? And the question that touches me most - how could the despair have been soooo deep as to leave his wife and children in this way...?

As a natural melancholic - it is my default position since childhood - I have experienced my own share of despair, and even seriously considered suicide after the death of Connie, our daughter who died in utero at 30 weeks in 1993. I had already lost two babies in the first trimester, and the grief was unbearable...

Yet, I did bear it with the love of my husband, my parents, my friends...

At the time, I had no desire to live, but I felt I couldn't inflict more pain and grief on them... and that glimmer of humanity/compassion/love kept me going...

So to think that this gifted, talented man was bereft of even that glimmer, is heart-breaking... and my thoughts are with those he left behind...

Linking up with Amy and others over at lucky number 13   - - - - - - - >

Virtually Coffee Tuesday - I'm still here...

 just...

it's been a tough few weeks healthwise...

finally, found i had an infected tooth which was removed last week...

still in discomfort, and finding it hard to eat, which is playing havoc with my diabetes *sigh*

so actually, virtual coffee chat is just perfect :)

and i wanted to wish you all a very happy thanksgiving *big hug*

it was always my favourite holiday when we lived in the US - all the love, and none of the hype and over-expectation of christmas (i've only whispered the 'c' word, so you don't get too stressed...)

and i have to say, i am thankful...

i have a beautiful family and wonderful friends.

i have warmth and shelter - it's turned a lot colder in the past week in the UK from the mildest november in 300 years!

i have access to dental and medical care.

we have food and drink in the pantry, and shops a short scooter ride away.

and i have a precious molly cat on my lap as i write, who has kept close by in the past week, as she knew i was struggling, proving love and understanding don't need words...

but here's one, anyway :)

PS almost forgot... make sure you google something today... what fun!!