At the centre of your being you have the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want ~ Lao Tzu

Tuesday, November 29

Virtually Coffee Tuesday - In a reflective mood...

... for many reasons...

Nick and I went to the advent celtic service in the village church the other Sunday. It's always been my favourite service - candle-lit and laity-led. Before the stroke, I used to help lead services...

And on Sunday, I started reading this book


I hope to write more on my other blog following my responses to what I read, as I know I'm experiencing deep stirring changes, which I need more time to think about before I attempt to verbalize them...

But these words struck me from today's reading: 'God loves us as adult partners, with mutual give and take, and you eventually become the God that you love' (italics in original).

Needless to say, this provokes deep reactions in me as to what this could mean on so many levels - as a theology graduate, a former committed Anglican still angry with the church, as a soul seeking some understanding...

And I'm still pondering an item of news that has dominated UK papers - the apparent suicide  of Gary Speed, former footballer and national coach of Wales on Sunday - he was 42, married with two teenage sons, and had only been on the TV programme Football Focus on Saturday...

(photo copyright The Guardian)

I was listening to the radio, awaiting the commentary on a football match, on Sunday as the news broke... the shock and disbelief of the radio DJ and his guests were palpable...

What depths of despair the man must have been in...!! Apparently his wife found him hanged in their garage 7am Sunday morning... How could he have disguised his torment so well from colleagues and the public as he appeared on TV only hours before...? And the question that touches me most - how could the despair have been soooo deep as to leave his wife and children in this way...?

As a natural melancholic - it is my default position since childhood - I have experienced my own share of despair, and even seriously considered suicide after the death of Connie, our daughter who died in utero at 30 weeks in 1993. I had already lost two babies in the first trimester, and the grief was unbearable...

Yet, I did bear it with the love of my husband, my parents, my friends...

At the time, I had no desire to live, but I felt I couldn't inflict more pain and grief on them... and that glimmer of humanity/compassion/love kept me going...

So to think that this gifted, talented man was bereft of even that glimmer, is heart-breaking... and my thoughts are with those he left behind...

Linking up with Amy and others over at lucky number 13   - - - - - - - >




5 comments:

momphotographer said...

Sorry that you had to go through all the grief in your past... .
Beautiful and touching post.
Hugs

{Amy} said...

wow, such a sad story. i guess you never really know what is going on with others on the inside, not truly. i am interested in checking out that book...might just do that. thanks for coffee today!

Iowa Sunshine said...

powerful post and i appreciate you sharing. grief is unbearable, and i'm in admiration of anyone who can move through it. take care and i hope you find some peaceful moments in your week.

I'm Veronica said...

Hang in there, the holidays force us to reflect which brings sad feelings for many. Hold on to the good in life.

The Bodhi Chicklet said...

I'm popping in for a quick cuppa before I finish up my afternoon business. Depression is so misunderstood. What would drive a person to end his own life, I can be grateful it wasn't one of his sons who found him - it's devastating enough for an adult. I am glad you are having some spiritual stirrings. There certainly is something in the air pulling us along, winding our roads and cracking us open. Many are feeling it too. I was sorry to hear of your own struggle with depression, but I think it is more common than most think. The stigma is less than it used to be but still there and will be until we talk about it more.